Feeling traumatised from a past event is very common. It can be difficult to identify emotional abuse because it is so normalised in society, trauma is not talking about enough and a lot of people don't realise they have it. Or if they do, they try to ignore it due to feelings of shame and embarrasment. When we feel shame we automatically feel a need to protect ourselves and close off part of ourselves from others, filtering what we say and do. We then become this idolised version of ourselves in relationships and can start to feel disconnected to the person we once were. Putting filters on because of social pressures and feeling self conscious. To try and help take steps to connect with your old self, try and think about your childhood. Reconnect with who you were, what was your favourite food? Favourite colour? Favourite TV show? Favourite toy? Really try to engage with these core passions and start to find yourself again. You can be that and you deserve it. Your life is yours, others will like you for who you are and if they don't then they don't matter and don't deserve to be a part of your life. Take time for yourself, engage with activities that you enjoy and allow you feel yourself, whether this be a childhood hobby, creative exploration or learning a new hobby. Build a relationship with yourself that allows you to feel seen and heard.
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Anxiety is a very overwhelming feeling, it actually stems from fear because we are fearful of a situation or experience. It does not have to be logical or valid, it's important to recognise when your feeling anxious and allow yourself to process the feeling. Ask yourself "What is it that I'm anxious about right now?". Remember to breathe and possibly communicate your feelings with someone around you. Try to rationalise the anxious thoughts and understand what may be causing them, do you need to feel anxious? Here are some tips to help reduce anxiety:
I read a quote the other day and it said "How your body looks is the least interesting thing about you". And it made me question why we are so concerned over our body image. Of course thanks to social media, it's common to compare yourself to models and edited images online, then hate yourself because you're body doesn't look like that. Then, maybe try a few unrealistic diets and fitness routines for a few weeks, give up and hate yourself even more. But, life is not about that, it's about doing things that bring you joy and getting the most out of every day. Being 'skinny' or 'toned' does not equal happiness, I promise. People are not interested in how your body looks. If you lose a few pounds or your stomach gets a bit flatter I can guarantee that NO ONE WILL NOTICE. No one cares. People care about who you are as a person, whether your kind and fun to be around. People will love you for who you are, not how you look. Body image is difficult because you see yourself completely differently to how others see you. You may think your imperfections are so obvious, but to most other people, they're not even noticeable. You will also never reach a point where you are 100% comfortable with how you look. No matter how much weight you lose, how much makeup or fillers you get, there will always be something you are unhappy about and want to change about yourself. There is no such thing as the 'perfect body'. Social media may make you think that there is, but we are humans, we are creations, just like artwork, there is no such thing as perfection. I don't agree with ever commenting on how someone's body looks. I want to try and encourage less obsession and concern over appearance. Instead, I want to spread encouragement of fulfillment in life, whether you are happy and complimenting someone's personality not their body. Building a healthy relationship with food was difficult. I used to fear certain foods, like butter, cheese or bread and would feel very anxious when consuming them. I also used to question whether I was actually hungry or just bored, so I would restrict myself from eating. I would feel stressed when eating because I would constantly be asking myself the question "Do I actually need to eat this?". Through reading advice online and having support from friends who had had similar experiences, I slowly started to build a healthier mindset around eating. I learnt that food is there to be enjoyed and I am so grateful that I have food on my table and access to such wide varieties of it. Life is too short to spend it worrying about how much you're eating, when you're exact meal times are and feeling guilty for eating more than you planned in a day. There is so much more to life than food, it should be viewed as an enjoyable factor of life. Cook meals you like, indulge in your favourite foods and try not to feel guilty for doing so because LIFE IS TOO SHORT NOT TO!! I now look forward to eating, instead of feeling stressed or anxious. I have learnt to listen to my body, and if I'm feeling hungry eat, even if I've just eaten. Some days I may have a larger appetite than others, particularly if I'm more active on a certain day, therefore I listen to my body when it's telling it's still hungry and feed it! I am also learning to try new recipes, to broaden my pallet, finding new foods I love and can look forward to eating. Eating a certain food, like bread, butter of cheese, is not going to make me put on weight, as long is I have it in moderation. Life is about balance and so is eating. You don't need to 'fear' eating particular things, or cut them out of your diet because most likely your body will need it! Eating a healthy balanced diet, with everything in moderation, will give your body the vital nutrients that it needs and lot's of energy to fulfill your life :) Times are tough at the moment, for many reasons, and I'm sure each one of us has our own difficulties in the current climate. I just wanted to write a post regarding mental health during lockdown. When talking with close friends recently, I noticed we were all sharing similar emotions. Feeling exhausted, tired all the time, unmotivated and stressed from being stuck in our own heads. I want to make it known that feeling these emotions is OKAY, don't beat yourself up for not being productive or feeling like you are not using your time 'wisely'. We are in a global pandemic and we need to be kinder to ourselves. Each day can feel repetitive and draining so trying to get yourself into some sort of routine is a really good idea. Ensuring that you exercise daily, even if its just a walk in the park, getting some fresh and daylight can really help lower stress levels and improve your overall mood. Simple home comforts such as a hot bath, cooking your favourite meal, watching your favourite movie, can all be ways to help improve your mood. If your struggling with boredom (like me) try activities such as, decorating your room, writing poetry or a short story, creating a blog, learning a new skill or even learning a musical instrument. However, if your want to sit in bed and watch movies all day, that's perfectly fine too! I'm just listing ways that your can stay productive because I know that this helps improve my mood and wellbeing. Also, don't feel guilty for not 'eating clean' or sticking to dry January. Again, were are in a global PANDEMIC, go easy on yourself. Although, I do feel that trying to eat better, ensuring I have get my 5 a day and am drinking lot's of water, increases my energy levels, skin and definitely helps to improve my mental health. Don't put the pressure on yourself to eat and not eat certain things, eat whatever you want because we are in a pandemic and nothing bad is going to happen if you do. Whatever you are feeling I can assure you that you are not alone. This is a scary and uncertain time, especially during winter when it's cold, dark and the outdoors is a lot less appealing. Don't be afraid to reach out to a family member of friend if you are feeling isolated and need someone to talk to. Even catching up with an old friend, checking in to see how a family member is doing, can be nice ways of connecting with others during this time. I have attached some UK helplines for anyone needing emotional support. Samaritans Call: 116 123 (free anytime) Crisis Text Line: Text SHOUT to 85258 CALM (for men): Call 0800 58 58 58 (from 5pm-midnight) Stay safe <3 Everyone's version of happiness differs. With the growing use of social media, it's simple to see into each other's lives and compare them to our own. We can see what other's are pursuing and what achievements they may be making. But, without even acknowledging it can be detrimental to our mental health. The key thing to remember is that social media, particularly someone's Instagram profile, is only a tiny snippet into their life. People choose to share only what they want others to see, they will keep the uglier parts of their life private. School teaches brings up young people to strive for the best and never settle for less. I believe the competitive education system put pressure on students, making them think that they need to have the highest earning career and the most achievements to be happy and content with their life. After taking, now, a second year out of academic education, I have realised that the most important thing is, to do whatever will make me happy. Money will not buy me happiness. I could work my ass off and be receiving a pretty damn good salary, but if I'm unhappy because I'm working all the time, what is the point? I won't get to live this life again and it could also be taken away from me at any moment. (Not to scare you) Pressure is constantly put on young people to 'make something of themselves', and I feel this often myself. But I want to tell you to try to put yourself first. No matter what you do, you can still make achievements that you can be proud of. At the end of the day, the person you will want to make happy, and prove something to, is yourself. You do not need to be a millionaire to be happy. You need not to win BAFTAs and Oscars to be happy. You do not need to own multiple properties to be happy. Basic things you can't buy, such as love and a family, can be the key to what brings out the joys and contentment in your life. So be kind, be generous and do whatever brings you happiness and comfort because that's what life is about. A lot of the time, throughout life, we desire to constantly work towards goals. Even when a particular goal is reached, we are often never fully satisfied because our minds move straight towards the next goal. It's as though we build ourselves up and up and then eventually we die, and we have no time to feel fully fulfilled with the work that we have achieved. This is because there is always more work to do be done, even more goals and even more work. This is something I've been thinking about a lot. I had a lot of goals at the start of this year, such as save up money to go travelling, go travelling, move to London, start working on my acting career etc. Without even consciously realising, I achieved all of these goals (except going travelling because of covid 19) and yet I never enjoyed the satisfaction of reaching the goals because I was always so focused on the next. Now I have moved to London and I'm already constantly thinking about where I want to live next. I've also made a huge amount of progress with my acting career, gaining some professional jobs already and learning a lot over a short period of time. Yet, I never sit back to think wow I've come so far, I'm constantly thinking about the next job and how much further progress I have to make. Don't get me wrong, thinking about the future, and knowing the amount of progress you still need to make, isn't wrong at all, it's obviously a very good mindset. However, I feel that in life we should learn to be more grateful and appreciative of what we already have and the progress we have made. Otherwise, what is the point? We will all die at some point and the scary part is that none of us know when that will happen, it could happen tomorrow, it could happen in 40 years. What is the point in constantly thinking about the future, when you have so much to already be grateful for, and enjoy being in the stage of life you are at. Imagine spending most of your life constantly thinking about your next steps and setting new targets for yourself, to the point that you're always unhappy with where you're at in life. Never fully satisfied or happy with where you're at to the point that takes over your enjoyment of life in general. Then you die suddenly after living a life stressing about your future before you even got to live it. It's hard to do but I think it's important to learn to look towards the future, whilst reminding yourself to feel grateful for the present, proudness for your achievements so far and take time to enjoy the whatever stage in life you're at. Live in the moment because life is not forever. Too much if one thing is never healthy. I wanted to write this after realizing how much happier I am now that I am more flexible and less restrictive with what I eat. It was finding the balance that now works best for me. About two years ago, whilst still in school, I had little awareness of what I ate. I rarely exercised and I felt constantly tired from my schoolwork. I started to put on weight quite quickly, I felt bloated all the time, I had break outs on my skin, and overall my confidence was not what it is now. However, fast forward roughly a year and 4 months, to when I was extremely cautious of what I ate. I banned myself from eating certain foods, I would feel intense cravings and extreme hunger all the time. I over exercised, to point where I would get headaches and my muscles would ache for days. Daily life revolved around what I was going to eat when and whether or not I had exercised enough that day. It was exhausting and also probably even more unhealthy than my previous lifestyle. So even though I felt that I was eating healthier foods and giving my body a healthy amount of exercise, my mind was not in a healthy place. Your body needs a balance of foods. It is unhealthy to cut out certain things you may fear such as, fats, carbs and sugar, your body needs these! 'They might be hot, but if they're a piece of shit - they're a piece of shit' - Florence given.11/24/2020 Stop settling for less than you are worth, just because you require another person's love to feel validated. Dating is complicated, but I can't stress enough how important it is to learn to love yourself before you begin to date. If you do not love yourself, you will fall into the trap of becoming blind to red flags, allowing them to treat you like shit just because you're scared that you can't survive without them. It happened to me, I had not learnt to enjoy my own company, and build a self worth based off of how I feel about myself, instead of other people. I started seeing a guy and I very quickly became blind to the (very obvious) red flags that he portrayed. This was all because I was very attracted to him and enjoyed the compliments he gave me. Over time, I allowed him to use me, jump between me and another girl and spread rumors about me behind my back. I still continued to see him because I had excepted that this was how I deserved to be treated and this is the way that I will be treated by men. I needed compliments and attention from him to feel wanted, when he did not give me this, I did not like myself and I had very low self worth. This is because I had not learnt to love myself, him being subjectively the most attractive that had ever shown interest in me, I felt this need to hang on to him because I will never get an opportunity like this again. But, no matter how attractive someone is, if they treat you poorly, fucking run. They are not worth your time, they will destroy you and you self worth, often because they have low self worth themselves. Don't be afraid of being single, it is far better to wait for the right individual to come along, instead of destroying yourself for someone just because you're afraid of being alone. 'Being alone' is actually so valuable, especially if you are someone that bases their self worth off of how others view and treat them. Spending time to learn to love yourself for who you are and what amazing qualities you have, you start to see how others completely overlooked or took advantage of these qualities, and you realise just how much better you deserve. You then allow yourself to be patient with looking for a partner and won't settle for less because you are aware of what you deserve. I will never understand the types of people that feel the need to beep their horns at girls, or shout things at girls from their cars. It is selfish and disgusting. The unfortunate thing is, I have now learnt to accept that it happens and there is nothing I can do about it. Getting catcalled by men is such a common occurrence in my life that it barely bothers me anymore. I am so used to it, that I almost expect it every time I leave the house. It is not right and it should not be accepted as appropriate behavior. I don't know what goes through people's heads to give them the urge to harass or cat call a woman, but if they see it as some form of joke, it is not. It makes us feel uncomfortable, vulnerable and anxious. I think this sort of behavior needs to be called out more, we need to educate our society around the long lasting and permanent impacts that harassment and abuse have. We are making small steps but there is a lot of progress that needs to be made to build a society that respects women. Women should feel comfortable enough to express their style and wear whatever the hell they want and it should not be an invitation for harassment. I remember an incident where an older male thought he had the right to touch me and throw inappropriate comments at me, just because I was wearing a tight skirt. I shouldn't have to justify why I like wearing this style of skirt, but I will anyway, it made me feel more confident wearing a skirt that showed my figure. This is a form of self expression, just like choosing to wear a particular hat or pair of shoes, it is not an open invite for you to touch me or assault me in any form. I also remember at my secondary school, girls were not allowed to wear a certain type of skirt that was tight and short, we were told it could 'distract boys and male teachers'. Really, teachers? This is so disgusting and infuriating, instead we should be teaching girls to express themselves wearing whatever they please, and teaching boys to accept this and learn to treat the opposite gender with respect. |
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